Wednesday, January 5, 2011

And to think, I always thought I had nice back pockets

{Happy 100th post to myself}

Anyone that has a Facebook account knows about the annoying applications that spam his/her news feed and wall AND invitation page. Seriously. I know I'm not the only one. No, really. I'm not. The only people out there that have no idea what I'm talking about are the ones that are spamming my news feed and wall AND invitation page with said apps. I know, I know, I know. There is no need to tell me to click on the 'block "so-and-so" from sending "this crappy app" to you' link. I have done that, you guys. Every time I turn around there is some new "-ville" game haunting my life. Just when you losers couldn't get enough out of Farmville you had to go and create Yoville and Cityville.

What's next? Hellville? A game where you can recruit little devils and have them kill crops and animals in your friends' Farmville accounts? Step away from the idea, Mr. Zuckerberg. I know how you work...

Be warned. I will delete you from Facebook if you keep sending me this crap.

And I digress.

The other day on my wall I noticed a friend of mine had answered a question about me on the "21 Questions" app. Just as I went to delete the post I thought, Hmmm. I wonder if this friend DID answer a question about me. This left me insanely curious. Like unbearably curious. I had to check it out. I just had to.

After clicking on 902834 confirmations I finally got to what looked like my own profile for "21 Questions." On the top bar there was an annoying red arrangement of letters burning my retinas. At the same time it was pretty much deafening me by shouting "YOU HAVE 67 NEW ANSWERS ABOUT YOU! FIND OUT WHAT YOUR FRIENDS SAID." To be honest I was afraid to click on it. What if it took me to some other app that was poorly made by a teenager in England that has awful grammar n talkz lik dis n wantid me to take a quizz bout wut Twilight man I wuz gonna marryyy. Ugh. Do you feel my pain yet?

Meh. Ashley. What are you to lose?

Yeah. I clicked on it. And to my surprise it was actually 67 new answers about me. I kid you not. You guys. I was kinda shocked with what people thought about me. No, I was not offended. I found it absolutely hysterical. I just had to share it with you.

Yes. All 67 answers. And my thoughts. Prepare yourselves. Ready...set...
*(3) Do you think Ashley has a nice body?---YES

*Do you think Ashley would pull a fire alarm as a prank?---NO
-I would rather eat blue cheese than pull a fire alarm. For those that know me would know I hate blue cheese. I highly loathe the stuff.

*(3) Would you hook up with Ashley?---NO
-This better be from three chicks or married guys. What guy wouldn't want to hook up with ME? Kidding mom.

*Do you think Ashley would look good in a mini skirt?---YES
-Good to know I have nice legs.

*(2) Do you think Ashley knows what a fist pound is?---YES
-I know what one is however I've never heard it necessarily called a "fist pound." Moving on.

*Do you think Ashley would help an elderly woman cross the street?---YES
-I am a saint. It's true.

*Would you lend Ashley $100?---YES
-Who answered this? I gladly accept this offer. Fess up. C'mon! I don't have all day.

*Do you think that Ashley has ever lied to avoid a date?---NO
-My mom said, "You may have never lied but you have made up excuses." Whaaa?

*Does Ashley have a nice butt?---NO
-Apparently, this is not the same person that said I would look good in a mini skirt.

*Do you think Ashley can actually hook up with someone out of her league?---YES
-I have done this. It's true. But he was in a lower league. Not higher. No guy can be higher than me. I'm as good as it gets. Who me? Cocky? I think not! How dare you think it!

*(3) Do you think Ashley really needs a stylist?---NO
-I have three smart and kind friends. Thanks.

*Do you think Ashley has ever picked her nose in public?---YES
-This person only said 'YES' because they have done it and didn't want to feel like the only one. I'm not this skanky, you guys. I would only do it at Walmart. I'd fit right in.

*Do you think Ashley would look good in tights?---NO
-Funny. I wear them to church every week and I am a dancer!!! Who answered this?!

*Do you think Ashley has good credit?---NO
-O.o Why NO? No, really. Why? Who...what...why? Next.

*Do you think Ashley has ever fooled around at work?---YES
-EXCUSE ME!? Taking into consideration where I have worked I would rather die than fool around at work. Gross. Also, do I look like the kind of girl that would do that?! Pass.

*(2) Do you think Ashley has ever failed a test?---NO
-In high school? NO. In college? Pass. Next question please...

*(2) Do you think Ashley has ever lied in an interview?---NO
-You're right, my two friends. I haven't. Funny that honesty doesn't even get me a job. Maybe I should lie?

*Do you think Ashley has ever cheated on a test?---NO
-Correct! I don't need to cheat. Plus I had the Honor Code on my elbow for 7 years at BYU.

*Do you think Ashley is greedy?---NO
-I ain't no pre-psycho dream Scrooge!

*Do you think Ashley is funny?---YES

*Do you think Ashley should have more self-confidence?---NO
-How am I supposed to have confidence when my friends think I don't have a nice butt?

*Do you think Ashley could eat more than 3 Big Macs at a time?---NO
-I can't even have 1 Big Mac at any time.

*(2) Do you think Ashley likes to dance?---YES
-Duh. More like LOVE!

*(3) Is Ashley fun to be around?---YES
-It's good to know I have at least 3 people that like to be around me.

*Does Ashley think wine in a box is classy?---NO
-They still make that stuff?

*Does Ashley have a bad haircut?---NO
-I have had the same haircut forever. "Long."

*(2) Do you think Ashley is a tree hugger?---NO
-I a just a hugger.

*Do you think Ashley has a deep, dark secret?---YES
-Who doesn't?

*Do you think Ashley still sleeps with a teddy bear?---YES
-Oh, goodie. I have a stalker. But yes I do still sleep with a teddy bear.

*Do you think Ashley was a dork in high school?---NO
-But I was friends with them. I am a nice person. So sue me.

*(2) Do you think Ashley would look good in tights?---YES
-Majority wins. I am going to wear them regardless of that 1 rude person.

*(2) Do you think Ashley cool?---YES
-Generic question much? Much.

*Do you think Ashley "recycles" dirty underwear?---NO
-Ew. Ew. Ew. If Katy Perry decides to recycle her dirty underwear then I would recycle my dirty underwear. Nuff said.

*(2) Do you think Ashley is cute?---YES
-These questions are easy.

*Do you think Ashley could shoot someone if she had to?---NO
-Only in Assassin's Creed.

*Do you think Ashley grinds her teeth while sleeping?---NO
- I don't grind them, I clench them. Thank goodness for my new orthodic. Headaches gone.

*Do you think Ashley will do anything to get what she wants?---YES
-Trust me. I have.

*(2) Do you think Ashley could be a gangster?---YES
-How can I be a gangster if I don't have the guts to shoot someone? I have funny friends.

*Do you think Ashley has ever played strip poker?---YES
-GASP!!! This is false!

*Is Ashley's profile picture ugly?---NO
-Obviously, this was not answered at the time my profile picture was of a possum jumping out of Britney Spears' whore-ible extension job.

*Do you think Ashley has ever fooled around at work?---NO
-Because I HAVEN'T!!! Moving on.

*Do you think Ashley likes blue eyes?---YES
-It's true. I do. Ask my boyfriend.

*Do you think Ashley has ever lied to avoid a date?---YES
-We have gone over this. I haven't lied. Only made excuses according to my mom. Ha!

*Do you think Ashley would ditch a date?---NO
- I have only done this once but it wasn't necessarily a date and I didn't necessarily ditch him. I just had him take me home early. I had a bad feeling about being out with him. Nothing wrong with that ok? I'm just a girl that trusts her instincts.

*Is Ashley's profile picture cute?---YES
-Thank you Photoshop.

*Do you think Ashley has ever skinny dipped?---YES

*Do you think Ashley has ugly teeth?---NO
-Braces twice. Yes, twice.

*Does Ashley sings in the shower?---NO
-Only in the car, you guys.

*Does Ashley think shopping at Walmart is classy?---NO
-Walmart has its perks but in no way is it classy.

*Do you think Ashley is a spaz?---NO
-Fantastic. However, when I have gummi bears and a Spike Shooter in a Slurpee... SPAZ!!!

Ok. Now, if only I could hunt down who said I don't have a nice butt. Let's hope it was a guy devoted 100% to his wife. But I worked hard to get my back pockets to look like this. Hard as in the gaining-17-pounds-my-freshman-year-at-college hard. I happen to think I have nice back pockets. Whatever. Moving on.


Lyd said...

If I were to have taken this test for myself I would have answered "Yes" to being a spaz and to fooling around at work. #1 I am a spaz. #2 I am a spaz at work, thus, me fooling around. #C By fooling around, I mean annoying people, not being a floozy.

Alli Easley said...

You are such a floozy.

ashleyO said...

Your mom is a.... Yeah. I'm not going to go there.

Amb & Dev said...

I seriously was crying reading this. Thanks for making my day!