Thursday, May 5, 2011

Remove From Heat. Set Aside to Cool

Martha Stewart's Lavender-Iced Brownie Cupcakes. Yum.

I want to open up a bakery. Yep, you heard me. At first I wanted to open up a cupcake shop. That dream started back in 2001 when I decided I wanted to be a pastry chef. Meh. That didn't happen. Then, in 2003 my friend and I wanted to open up a bakery that sold bagels AND cupcakes. Weird, yes. Long story, yes. Don't ask...

Clearly, that didn't happen.


Anyway, I know what you're thinking. Everyone and their chihuahua bakes cupcakes. I know! This cupcake hype has hit our faces with sweet, sugary goodness. They are EVERYWHERE! However, I could NEVER go into competition with Retro Bakery. That's just down right blasphemy. What needs to happen on my side of town is a unique sweets bakery. Candy bar pies. Compost cookies and dipped apples. Margarita macaroons. Balsamic Strawberry Shortcake. Lavender marshmallows. German Chocolate Sauerkraut cupcakes.Chili ANYTHING. Soda Fountain anyone?

Right? I'm seriously still thinking about it. Now, if only my sisters would move down here and make this happen. Ahem...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Life is kind of like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, but it's really not.

"I'll decide where it goes from here...I make the path." --- Alice

If your life was a book what kind of book would it be? A chapter book? A romance novel? An encyclopedia?  A vampire fiction? A pop-up book (no joke intended)? An adventure series? Blah-blah-blah. You get the idea. I could go on and on and I am sure all of you could choose a type or two. As for me, I have come to the conclusion that life is a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book.

Don't you see it? Life hands us a myriad of opportunities. It is up to us whether we choose to take the opportunities laid out for us or not. It is up to us to pick one opportunity over the other and it is up to us to throw them all away and start fresh until another door, or chapter, if you will, opens. In a Choose Your Own Adventure book we can decide whether to turn to page 65 for one adventure or page 97 for another. Some of us liked the adventure we chose right off. We kept on reading until the end. We stuck with our adventure the whole way through whether we liked it or not. Were any of you the kid that turned back to page 65 if you didn't like the adventure on page page 97? Yes. You know who you are. If only life were that easy. If only we could turn life back to page 65. If only we could exchange one path for another. If. If. If.

If possible, what adventure would you like to turn back to and exchange? Friends? Purchases? High school? College? Simple life choices? Marriage? If I could chose one it would be where I attended college. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely enjoyed going to Brigham Young University. I had some of the best experiences of my life, ones I can not put a price on. However, sometimes I wonder how my life would be had I chosen to attend the University of Arizona. What kind of person would I be? Would I be married? Would I be living down there still or would I be performing on a cruise ship in the middle of an ocean? This I will never know. This is one adventure I can not flip back on. I can only sit here and spit out my "what if's." Bad. Bad. Bad. I should be saying "Where now?" instead of "What if?"

Be grateful life isn't exactly like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Be grateful enough that you get to choose whichever path you want in life. You should not care if you experience tough battles in your chosen adventures. No matter what, you will hit bumpy roads. You will hit storms. You will hit dead ends. You will wish you could have chosen a different adventure. Remember this: you can not turn back the pages in life. Just make the best with what you have and move on. Yes. Move on. You may not get to turn back awful choices but you do get to turn your back on them. Continue to choose. Mold our own life. No one can take your ability to choose away from you. If you want a happy ending, you get to choose that for yourself. 

So stop sitting there saying "What if?" And please stop waiting for Christopher Lloyd to show up in a DeLorean. I can promise you that is not going to happen. We can't all be as lucky as Marty McFly.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Living Proof

See you guys. See. I am still alive. I still know how to use a keyboard. I still love to blog....sporadically. Clearly.

I get bored. Don't believe me? Click here you big sissy.

I love you all. Yes, all 20 of you.

Do not think this is all I am going to give you right now. Ok. So, maybe it is but I AM SORRY! I need more time.

Lay off me. I'm starving.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I am the type of girl that wants you to read my blog.

Me, The Girl Next Door, posing as a Siamese Princess

I may or may not be recycling an inspiration from an old post, you guys. This post is similar to one I wrote back in 2009 entitled One Day I'll Get Life Right. For the four of you that have read it you may remember how I listed the things I am the "queen" of, such as being the queen of blogging sporadically. Sums it up. For those of you that have not read it you better do that now or else I'll stalk you, jump out of a random bush, and punch you in the jugular until you read it. Yes, that is a threat. However, I am the type of girl that never follows through with my threats. Yeah. That's me alright.

I am the type of girl that will stay up until 3 am watching HGTV, Food Network, or the Cooking Channel. Or all three.

I am the type of girl that has approximately 87 celebrity boyfriends.

I am the type of girl that loves musicals and does not care who knows it.

I am the type of girl that can eat a cupcake a day. Or two.

I am the type of girl that will wear pajamas all day, even after showering in the morning.

I am the type of girl that can be classified as "the girl next door."

I am the type of girl that will crave KFC mashed potatoes at 9 am.

I am the type of girl that doesn't even like KFC mashed potatoes.

I am the type of girl that carries a pair of clean socks in her purse and car. Bowling nights and road trips can come up on a whim. I need to be prepared don't I?

I am the type of girl that eats something even though it makes me utterly sick.

I am the type of girl that is sarcastic beyond all means. It gets me in trouble a lot.

I am the type of girl that use to be obsessed with downloading fonts onto my computer.

I am the type of girl that took seven years to get my Bachelors.

I am the type of girl that has a love-hate relationship with Doritos.

I am the type of girl that isn't spoiled, just well taken care of.

I am the type of girl that has one helluva sense of humor.

I am the type of girl that hates to watch Family Guy.

I am the type of girl that loved to clean my mouth out after having my wisdom teeth pulled. It was fun to get the soggy food out of the sockets. So sue me.

I am the type of girl that can sometimes be a pushover.

I am the type of girl that can't live without her Coke Slurpees.

I am the type of girl that can walk around Sephora and Ulta for hours.

I am the type of girl that likes the taste of Dimetapp.

I am the type of girl that doesn't swear.

I am the type of girl that loves expensive restaurants.

I am the type of girl that craves Thai food way too much.

I am the type of girl that will never get a tattoo but if I did I would get one of an apple.

I am the type of girl that likes long haired Chihuahuas but won't get one because Hollywood skanks like Paris Hilton have ruined them for the whole world, as did the Beverly Hills Chihuahua movies.

I am the type of girl that talks too much.

I am the type of girl that doesn't talk enough.

I am the type of girl that can never get enough Disneyland in her life.

I am the type of girl that wants to work as a performer for a Disney Park.

I am the type of girl that CAN work as a performer foir a Disney Park.

I am the type of girl that loves black and white movies.

I am the type of girl that loves watching sports. Yay sports.

I am the type of girl that prefers to eat a goat cheese and tomato sandwich on a baguette in Paris instead of McDonald's.

I am the type of girl that loves to watch paranormal shows, as long as I have the company of another human in the flesh.

I am the type of girl that can go on with this list forever.

I am the type of girl that has to go to two dance rehearsals, like right now....

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

And to think, I always thought I had nice back pockets

{Happy 100th post to myself}

Anyone that has a Facebook account knows about the annoying applications that spam his/her news feed and wall AND invitation page. Seriously. I know I'm not the only one. No, really. I'm not. The only people out there that have no idea what I'm talking about are the ones that are spamming my news feed and wall AND invitation page with said apps. I know, I know, I know. There is no need to tell me to click on the 'block "so-and-so" from sending "this crappy app" to you' link. I have done that, you guys. Every time I turn around there is some new "-ville" game haunting my life. Just when you losers couldn't get enough out of Farmville you had to go and create Yoville and Cityville.

What's next? Hellville? A game where you can recruit little devils and have them kill crops and animals in your friends' Farmville accounts? Step away from the idea, Mr. Zuckerberg. I know how you work...

Be warned. I will delete you from Facebook if you keep sending me this crap.

And I digress.

The other day on my wall I noticed a friend of mine had answered a question about me on the "21 Questions" app. Just as I went to delete the post I thought, Hmmm. I wonder if this friend DID answer a question about me. This left me insanely curious. Like unbearably curious. I had to check it out. I just had to.

After clicking on 902834 confirmations I finally got to what looked like my own profile for "21 Questions." On the top bar there was an annoying red arrangement of letters burning my retinas. At the same time it was pretty much deafening me by shouting "YOU HAVE 67 NEW ANSWERS ABOUT YOU! FIND OUT WHAT YOUR FRIENDS SAID." To be honest I was afraid to click on it. What if it took me to some other app that was poorly made by a teenager in England that has awful grammar n talkz lik dis n wantid me to take a quizz bout wut Twilight man I wuz gonna marryyy. Ugh. Do you feel my pain yet?

Meh. Ashley. What are you to lose?

Yeah. I clicked on it. And to my surprise it was actually 67 new answers about me. I kid you not. You guys. I was kinda shocked with what people thought about me. No, I was not offended. I found it absolutely hysterical. I just had to share it with you.

Yes. All 67 answers. And my thoughts. Prepare yourselves. Ready...set...
*(3) Do you think Ashley has a nice body?---YES

*Do you think Ashley would pull a fire alarm as a prank?---NO
-I would rather eat blue cheese than pull a fire alarm. For those that know me would know I hate blue cheese. I highly loathe the stuff.

*(3) Would you hook up with Ashley?---NO
-This better be from three chicks or married guys. What guy wouldn't want to hook up with ME? Kidding mom.

*Do you think Ashley would look good in a mini skirt?---YES
-Good to know I have nice legs.

*(2) Do you think Ashley knows what a fist pound is?---YES
-I know what one is however I've never heard it necessarily called a "fist pound." Moving on.

*Do you think Ashley would help an elderly woman cross the street?---YES
-I am a saint. It's true.

*Would you lend Ashley $100?---YES
-Who answered this? I gladly accept this offer. Fess up. C'mon! I don't have all day.

*Do you think that Ashley has ever lied to avoid a date?---NO
-My mom said, "You may have never lied but you have made up excuses." Whaaa?

*Does Ashley have a nice butt?---NO
-Apparently, this is not the same person that said I would look good in a mini skirt.

*Do you think Ashley can actually hook up with someone out of her league?---YES
-I have done this. It's true. But he was in a lower league. Not higher. No guy can be higher than me. I'm as good as it gets. Who me? Cocky? I think not! How dare you think it!

*(3) Do you think Ashley really needs a stylist?---NO
-I have three smart and kind friends. Thanks.

*Do you think Ashley has ever picked her nose in public?---YES
-This person only said 'YES' because they have done it and didn't want to feel like the only one. I'm not this skanky, you guys. I would only do it at Walmart. I'd fit right in.

*Do you think Ashley would look good in tights?---NO
-Funny. I wear them to church every week and I am a dancer!!! Who answered this?!

*Do you think Ashley has good credit?---NO
-O.o Why NO? No, really. Why? Who...what...why? Next.

*Do you think Ashley has ever fooled around at work?---YES
-EXCUSE ME!? Taking into consideration where I have worked I would rather die than fool around at work. Gross. Also, do I look like the kind of girl that would do that?! Pass.

*(2) Do you think Ashley has ever failed a test?---NO
-In high school? NO. In college? Pass. Next question please...

*(2) Do you think Ashley has ever lied in an interview?---NO
-You're right, my two friends. I haven't. Funny that honesty doesn't even get me a job. Maybe I should lie?

*Do you think Ashley has ever cheated on a test?---NO
-Correct! I don't need to cheat. Plus I had the Honor Code on my elbow for 7 years at BYU.

*Do you think Ashley is greedy?---NO
-I ain't no pre-psycho dream Scrooge!

*Do you think Ashley is funny?---YES

*Do you think Ashley should have more self-confidence?---NO
-How am I supposed to have confidence when my friends think I don't have a nice butt?

*Do you think Ashley could eat more than 3 Big Macs at a time?---NO
-I can't even have 1 Big Mac at any time.

*(2) Do you think Ashley likes to dance?---YES
-Duh. More like LOVE!

*(3) Is Ashley fun to be around?---YES
-It's good to know I have at least 3 people that like to be around me.

*Does Ashley think wine in a box is classy?---NO
-They still make that stuff?

*Does Ashley have a bad haircut?---NO
-I have had the same haircut forever. "Long."

*(2) Do you think Ashley is a tree hugger?---NO
-I a just a hugger.

*Do you think Ashley has a deep, dark secret?---YES
-Who doesn't?

*Do you think Ashley still sleeps with a teddy bear?---YES
-Oh, goodie. I have a stalker. But yes I do still sleep with a teddy bear.

*Do you think Ashley was a dork in high school?---NO
-But I was friends with them. I am a nice person. So sue me.

*(2) Do you think Ashley would look good in tights?---YES
-Majority wins. I am going to wear them regardless of that 1 rude person.

*(2) Do you think Ashley cool?---YES
-Generic question much? Much.

*Do you think Ashley "recycles" dirty underwear?---NO
-Ew. Ew. Ew. If Katy Perry decides to recycle her dirty underwear then I would recycle my dirty underwear. Nuff said.

*(2) Do you think Ashley is cute?---YES
-These questions are easy.

*Do you think Ashley could shoot someone if she had to?---NO
-Only in Assassin's Creed.

*Do you think Ashley grinds her teeth while sleeping?---NO
- I don't grind them, I clench them. Thank goodness for my new orthodic. Headaches gone.

*Do you think Ashley will do anything to get what she wants?---YES
-Trust me. I have.

*(2) Do you think Ashley could be a gangster?---YES
-How can I be a gangster if I don't have the guts to shoot someone? I have funny friends.

*Do you think Ashley has ever played strip poker?---YES
-GASP!!! This is false!

*Is Ashley's profile picture ugly?---NO
-Obviously, this was not answered at the time my profile picture was of a possum jumping out of Britney Spears' whore-ible extension job.

*Do you think Ashley has ever fooled around at work?---NO
-Because I HAVEN'T!!! Moving on.

*Do you think Ashley likes blue eyes?---YES
-It's true. I do. Ask my boyfriend.

*Do you think Ashley has ever lied to avoid a date?---YES
-We have gone over this. I haven't lied. Only made excuses according to my mom. Ha!

*Do you think Ashley would ditch a date?---NO
- I have only done this once but it wasn't necessarily a date and I didn't necessarily ditch him. I just had him take me home early. I had a bad feeling about being out with him. Nothing wrong with that ok? I'm just a girl that trusts her instincts.

*Is Ashley's profile picture cute?---YES
-Thank you Photoshop.

*Do you think Ashley has ever skinny dipped?---YES

*Do you think Ashley has ugly teeth?---NO
-Braces twice. Yes, twice.

*Does Ashley sings in the shower?---NO
-Only in the car, you guys.

*Does Ashley think shopping at Walmart is classy?---NO
-Walmart has its perks but in no way is it classy.

*Do you think Ashley is a spaz?---NO
-Fantastic. However, when I have gummi bears and a Spike Shooter in a Slurpee... SPAZ!!!

Ok. Now, if only I could hunt down who said I don't have a nice butt. Let's hope it was a guy devoted 100% to his wife. But I worked hard to get my back pockets to look like this. Hard as in the gaining-17-pounds-my-freshman-year-at-college hard. I happen to think I have nice back pockets. Whatever. Moving on.