Thursday, February 4, 2010

Confucius Says I Will Be Famous and You Will Love Me

If you are reading this then great! Tell your friends about me. I am going to be famous one day and when I am you can have the pride of telling your friends "Hey guess what? I am cooler than you. I have been reading Ashley's stuff back before she was 'anyone' so SUCK ON THAT!" Soon enough I'm going to be a huge deal, an even greater deal than I am now. True story you guys. True. Story. No I promise I'm going to be famous. Keep reading and you'll find out how I know such an amazing fact.

I know what you're thinking. You are probably even calling BS right now and I don't blame you. I may sound crazy but I'm not. No really I'm not. And before you "psh" me *one* more time I'm going to read something I found in my breakfast. No, I did not read this on the back of my cereal box or under the food on an embossed plate at an overpriced pancake house. Any guesses where? .....anyone? .....anyone. no? OK fine. I'll just tell you. Man, you guys are horrible guessers by the way. Well, I am going to share with you my fortune I pulled from a fortune cookie this morning. Hey, don't you dare judge my poor choice in breakfast. I usually don't eat anything so this was not only an improvement but my best attempt at making you health nuts at least content. Sheesh. Can't please everyone, you know.

Before I start I just have to say that it is really hard to find tasty fortune cookies. They all taste like old cardboard rejects (because I know what that tastes like?) I guess I must be use to eating crap food containing 87,234 grams of sugar. God bless the USA and it's sugary goodness. Wait, I lied just now. I have met a fortune cookie I liked. The best ones I ever ate were from a teeny fortune cookie "factory" in the middle of San Francisco. Holy delicioso.

Fortune cookies are just as Chinese as PF Chang's chicken lettuce wraps. Yes, you guys. The foodgasmic lettuce wraps aren't even Chinese, like most of the menu. Please don't tell me you believed they were. Please don't. I'm going to judge you now...

...OK. Back on track now Ashley. Yes. My fortune. Ahem.

The first one was just stupid. I'm not even going to type it to you...ok so maybe I will. Maybe it could be of some use for one of my 11 readers out there. Quote: "Seek out the significance of your problem at this time. Try to understand." Unquote. What the falafel, you guys? I can't think of any specific problems I have right now that are even fortune cookie worthy. And try to understand what? Try to understand why the problem is happening? Try to understand the significance? Try to understand what the heck this fortune even means is more like it. So, let's just pretend that fortune never happened. I mean these cookies are from a Japanese joint anyway. Does that mean they are invalid? At least this one is.

Anyway, #2 said: "The star of riches will shine on you beginning next month." Read that again. Mhmm. It says riches. I, for some reason, believe this fortune to be true with all my heart. I love money and money loves me, even more than men do. So look out world, world that I WILL own no matter what this man says. Do not believe him whatever you do, do not believe him or his silly mouth words. He thinks he is going to take over the world but we all know that will be me and yes I said mouth words...intentionally.

I AM going to be rich come this March and that's how I'm going to get my fame to really "shine" (I'm not *that* corny to say "shine." It was part of my fortune). Ok so maybe I won't be rich by then but at least it will get started, key word being "started." I have a month to prepare for my being famous. I am actually really excited. I hope you are too. This is why you should consider being my friend and sharing me with everyone. Remember how I said not to "psh" me? Yeah. You can still refrain from doing that. I'm watching you...

Ashley for Queen of the World: 2012! I am the queen of everything...even the world. Man, I have lots to do.


Phil Villarreal said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Chaos Painted Masterpiece said...



And all those things. See if I give you a shout-out anymore after you throw me under the bus like that.

You suck. SOMC.


Lissa said...

Duuuude why can't I follow your blog?! I need a 'follow this blog' button. Fix it, NOW!

Lyd said...

As one of my favorite friends would always say to me: "Beware of pride girl."

AHAHAHHAHA Sorry, I had to write that.

I'm cooler than the rest of your friends because I'm actually related to you. So that's more reason for you to become I can say, "Yeah, I'm her favorite cousin."

Lanie Ree said...

"... IN BED!"

Come on. You know you're thining it too. And that first fortune is funny, and the second one is EVEN FUNNIER when you add "in bed" to the end.

...And it kinda' explains how you're gonna get rich. Yuck. You Skank.

ashleyO said...

Mike. FCP.

Lissa. I have followers so I'm pretty sure you can follow my blog too.

Lydia. It was meant to come of prideful. All about the humor, baby. And I won't forget about you when I'm famous.

LR. This is perhaps the first time I didn't do the " bed" bit. I can't believe it. And now that I see it I'm dying over here. I needed the laughs so thanks.

Lyd said...

I know. :)