Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Breath Savers, Planet Earth, BJs, and a Permanent Smile

There are very few first kisses I remember.

Wait. Strike that.

I remember all of my first kisses, however, very few stick out to me as being my absolute favorites. There have been many I enjoyed but few have made it to my top favorites. So congratulations! Here they are, you guys and in no specific order:

*Sitting in 40 degree weather on a metal picnic table in Hobble Creek Canyon. Full moon. Silence in the night except for the movement of water from the nearby creek. He knew he was going to kiss me that night. I, however, did not because I was a naive 22 year old who received her first (and second) kiss 7 months prior. He took out a new roll of Breath Savers and explained the rules of "The Mint Game" to me. "One of us places the mint in between our teeth. The other tries to bite it in half and this goes on until there is no mint left to bite Winner is the one that gets the last scraping of the mint. If our teeth and lips touch, and they will, it is all part of the fun." Easy I thought. And easy it was seeing as I won the first two rounds. At this point I STILL didn't know his plan was to kiss me. I told you I was naive. On the third round I went in to take a bite but before I knew what was going on he placed his hand on the back of my neck and kissed me. I instantly melted. I had had a crush on this guy for the past year and he knew it. 22 year old me had some major butterflies going on at that moment. It was dark. It was quiet. It was just what I had been waiting for since the first day he spoke to me at church.

*I started hanging out with a new friend of mine regularly one summer. I maybe said five words to him in person during the first four months of knowing each other. Two months went by and before we knew it we were exchanging a few messages on Facebook which then turned to us texting and calling each other. He had always wanted to watch Planet Earth and lucky for him I had it on DVD. We started to watch the series nightly. Sometimes at his place, sometimes at mine. After watching an episode or two we would stay up for hours just talking. We even got see the sunlight come through the windows on a few occasions. My parents and I were headed to San Diego for a week and my friend knew he wanted to get in one more disc of Planet Earth before I left the next day. As we were watching he got super cuddly, leading me to the thought that he was planning on kissing me that night. When I get nervous in situations as such I do this whole if I avoid eye contact with him it will make it harder for him to kiss me thing. I could tell it was driving him nuts. He sat up a bit, looked at me and asked if he could kiss me. I think my smile alone was all the answer he needed. It was such a sweet kiss and perfect timing too. I could not wait to get back to Vegas and see him after my week in Southern California. I truly enjoyed his company on top of his sweetness towards me.

Have I made you guys gag yet? Hopefully not.

*A friend who I knew liked me offered to take me out to dinner one night. He chose BJ's which turned out to be one of our future go-to restaurants. He loves their mozzarella sticks and I love their Red Velvet Pizookie. Delicious, I know. After dinner he asked if I would accompany him to the store to get some cat food. I accepted for it meant more time with him. He joked with me by saying he was going to kiss me inside Wal-Mart. I told him I would never talk to him again if he dared to do such a thing. According to him that hurt his feelings. Psh  After our adventures he drove us back to the restaurant parking lot where we sat in his car and talked for another hour. During that time he kept changing the music nervously yet I was clueless to it all. At one point we went from listening to Britney to Lionel. I thought that was an odd switch in music but little did I know he was prepping to kiss me. He just sat there as I went off about a roommate I had in college when BAM! he leaned far across the center console and kissed me. It happened so fast all I could do was sit there and kiss him back. I had NO idea that was going to happen. I guess he just needed a way to get me to shut up. It worked. Boy, did it work. Now every time I hear Hello by Lionel Richie I can't help but remember that night and getting one of the best surprises I have ever received.

*I'm not going to go too into detail with this one out of respect that it meant/means so much to me. I will tell you that it was one of the most breathtaking experiences of my life. The timing was perfect. The location was perfect. The mood was perfect. Who it was with was perfect. Even the way it happened was perfect. I knew he was going to kiss me. We were standing there in each others' embrace while he played with my hair and caressed the left side of my face. I was rubbing his back with my hands and looking the other way doing my if I avoid eye contact with him it will make it harder for him to kiss me thing. I however did turn and look him in the eyes a few times because it was my way of begging him to kiss me and kiss me right then. It made us smile but I proceeded to look away. He obviously couldn't handle it anymore. All he did was touch my chin, move in, and let it happen. He moved in the 10% and I moved in the 90% (which is obviously the opposite of Hitch's 90/10 standard but I didn't care, you see). I told myself that if he initiated the kiss I would be all in. If only that night didn't have to end. One of the best, if not the best part was feeling his permanent smile underneath our kiss. It felt right. Everything about it felt right.

I would gladly go back to any of these nights but I think it is apparent which one I would relive over and over again. It's amazing to me how a simple gesture can make such a difference in my life. I melt whenever I think back on any of these experiences. One was fun. One was cute. One was like whoa yessir. And one was hella romantic. Again, please?

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Diagnosis: Lovesick

I kind of feel bad for composing and publishing my last blog post. Maybe. Actually, to be honest, I really do not know why I wrote it in the first place. Perhaps because it felt good to vent openly about a rough period of my life. Perhaps because I had to let a few people know my emotional side of it all. Perhaps I just wanted to blog again. Who knows. Either way it is out there and I am not taking it back. OK. Enough about that person.

These next few posts are going to be about love and relationships because it has been on my mind a lot these past few weeks. The good and the bad side of it all. It will all stop eventually and then I can blog about my three jobs and how I have moved out on my own and how I can't stop eating cheese.

Have you ever dated someone secretly? You know, behind the backs of your friends and parents? If you have, you are not alone. If you haven't, don't. I am pretty sure I could have a degree in that field so trust me on this one. If you have to keep your relationship secret then you shouldn't be in the relationship to begin with. If only I had that advice 87 years ago. I always get hurt in the end even if I end it or get left in the dust. When I like someone I REALLY like him no matter what he has done to me. Surprise! I am sensitive. I get attached super fast. It's a problem I need to overcome. Why can't I just end a relationship and move on? Why do I linger on the thought that maybe we could get back together and just be happier that way? Why do I linger on the thought that I am now without him and I would rather be with him than alone. Too many memories with a guy is complete emotional suicide for this girl.

One day I'll be able to watch Phineas and Ferb without getting all misty eyed since I introduced it to him. One day I'll be able to eat at BJ's again without being mopey he's not there with me sipping on my strawberry lemonade. One day I'll be able to eat chicken fingers from Chicago Brewing Company again. Period. One day I'll realize that I can DEFINITELY do better. Way better.

Also, another...One day I'll be able to listen to The Beatles or Calvin Harris' "Feel So Close" without crying for hours. One day I'll be able to eat Pop Tarts and Starbursts and Tropical Smoothie again without an empty pit in my stomach. One day I'll be able to drive down Las Vegas Boulevard without any memories flooding my mind. One day I'll realize that this guy and I will NEVER be. It's too complicated of a situation to even worry about.

Maybe if these two weren't so good looking all of this would be easier for me. I guess I am just a little bit love sick.


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Is It Me? Or...

I  just "got out" of an interesting relationship. It officially started on March 16, 2010 and after a lot of break ups, tears, laughter, smiles, a promise ring, a deployment, wedding plans, heartaches, hypocrisy, lying, cheating, lots of forgiving, stalking, manipulations, threats, ultimatums, and controlled situations, it finally ended on December 3rd, 2012. Notice how I didn't list just the horrible aspects of said relationship. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of good times and Disneyland trips but it was the heartaches that stood out to me. The heartaches completely outweighed the loving side of the relationship because of their affect on me. Am I stupid for overseeing the good times and concentrating on the bad? At first I thought I was. However, now I don't think I was so stupid. I am free to look at my life how I want. After pushing the bad to the side and trying to think of only the good I never realized the bad pile stacking higher and higher. Before I knew it it fell over and my heart and emotional state shattered underneath it all. Did it take me a lot of time and counseling from a bishop to get over all of this? You betcha. I'm still scarred from it all.

These are scars only I can see, only I can feel.

It's amazing to me how fast love can take a sharp turn and head in the opposite direction when you think everything seemed fine, when everything felt perfect, when everything was how you wanted it to be. Happily ever after? Yeah. Right.

Dating has never been easy for me. I didn't date much in high school and when I did it was either with the same younger guy from church more than once or one of my really good friends that ***I*** asked to a girl-ask-guy dance. My first boyfriend came around when I was 22. That relationship never should have started. I'm embarrassed it even happened. Since then I have been on a few dates here and there. Had a boyfriend here, a boyfriend there. Nothing worked out. Each of these experiences could be a blog post on their own. A short story, if you will. They all ended horribly. And I couldn't let go of any of them. They were all wrong for me yet I just couldn't let go. I get super attached and it's not a good thing.

Is it me? Am I the problem? I have no idea what to think.

I tend to fall for guys I know I shouldn't be with. Is it because I like the thrill of it all? Is it because I know nothing will come from it? Is it because I have a commitment problem? Is it because I enjoy being single more than being with someone? Is it ALL of them?! Is it something I don't see?

I wish I knew. My heart is fragile, you guys. What's my deal? Why does the universe hate me? Right when I fall in love with someone everything falls apart. I'm not talking about crumbling, I'm talking about an implosion of emotions. It's like a world war going on inside my body.

Let me end with this... This post may seem like a "poor, poor Ashley. She needs to just keep her chin up and not worry. Her man is out there" kind of post. Please. That was not my intention. Did you not just read what type of relationship I just got out of? I'm trying to say that I'm actually alright with being single. It is nice. So sue me.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Petty, Petty Princess

I am not a hot mess. I will never be a hot mess. Anyone that knows me or stalks me on Facebook or Twitter knows this. But I know exactly how I would become one.

Back in January I modeled a wedding gown at a huge bridal show in Vegas for a local boutique, Bridal Elegant. You have no idea how fancy it was for me to wear a $2,200 wedding dress for a few hours. Now I know what a days of yore princess felt like everyday of her life. Almost everyone that passed our booth thought the models were mannequins. Then we blinked. Then they freaked out. It was hilarious. It was if they have never seen a human before. I get another opportunity to model at the Aria on the 16th. EEK! That's tomorrow. Holy excited, you guys!

Just yesterday a friend of mine told me I should become a wedding dress model-quin. I laughed, as anyone would, but he was 100 percent serious. Sadly, I would only be able to model for those that want me. Not a problem in his eyes. He told me I should just get a gun and force companies to want me to model for them until they gave me the job. He demanded that I show up wearing a wedding dress because it would be my supervillian costume. Of course. A supervillian costume. I decided that a custom-made pink Hello Kitty .45 pistol would be great for the job (that job being intimidation because the intimidation alone would get me the job. Definitely. Right?). Oh, and get this. My trademark would be to sip wine after each heist. Cool, huh? I can see it now.

And that, my lovlies, is how I would be my very own hot mess.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Remove From Heat. Set Aside to Cool

Martha Stewart's Lavender-Iced Brownie Cupcakes. Yum.

I want to open up a bakery. Yep, you heard me. At first I wanted to open up a cupcake shop. That dream started back in 2001 when I decided I wanted to be a pastry chef. Meh. That didn't happen. Then, in 2003 my friend and I wanted to open up a bakery that sold bagels AND cupcakes. Weird, yes. Long story, yes. Don't ask...

Clearly, that didn't happen.


Anyway, I know what you're thinking. Everyone and their chihuahua bakes cupcakes. I know! This cupcake hype has hit our faces with sweet, sugary goodness. They are EVERYWHERE! However, I could NEVER go into competition with Retro Bakery. That's just down right blasphemy. What needs to happen on my side of town is a unique sweets bakery. Candy bar pies. Compost cookies and dipped apples. Margarita macaroons. Balsamic Strawberry Shortcake. Lavender marshmallows. German Chocolate Sauerkraut cupcakes.Chili ANYTHING. Soda Fountain anyone?

Right? I'm seriously still thinking about it. Now, if only my sisters would move down here and make this happen. Ahem...

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Life is kind of like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, but it's really not.

"I'll decide where it goes from here...I make the path." --- Alice

If your life was a book what kind of book would it be? A chapter book? A romance novel? An encyclopedia?  A vampire fiction? A pop-up book (no joke intended)? An adventure series? Blah-blah-blah. You get the idea. I could go on and on and I am sure all of you could choose a type or two. As for me, I have come to the conclusion that life is a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book.

Don't you see it? Life hands us a myriad of opportunities. It is up to us whether we choose to take the opportunities laid out for us or not. It is up to us to pick one opportunity over the other and it is up to us to throw them all away and start fresh until another door, or chapter, if you will, opens. In a Choose Your Own Adventure book we can decide whether to turn to page 65 for one adventure or page 97 for another. Some of us liked the adventure we chose right off. We kept on reading until the end. We stuck with our adventure the whole way through whether we liked it or not. Were any of you the kid that turned back to page 65 if you didn't like the adventure on page page 97? Yes. You know who you are. If only life were that easy. If only we could turn life back to page 65. If only we could exchange one path for another. If. If. If.

If possible, what adventure would you like to turn back to and exchange? Friends? Purchases? High school? College? Simple life choices? Marriage? If I could chose one it would be where I attended college. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely enjoyed going to Brigham Young University. I had some of the best experiences of my life, ones I can not put a price on. However, sometimes I wonder how my life would be had I chosen to attend the University of Arizona. What kind of person would I be? Would I be married? Would I be living down there still or would I be performing on a cruise ship in the middle of an ocean? This I will never know. This is one adventure I can not flip back on. I can only sit here and spit out my "what if's." Bad. Bad. Bad. I should be saying "Where now?" instead of "What if?"

Be grateful life isn't exactly like a Choose Your Own Adventure book. Be grateful enough that you get to choose whichever path you want in life. You should not care if you experience tough battles in your chosen adventures. No matter what, you will hit bumpy roads. You will hit storms. You will hit dead ends. You will wish you could have chosen a different adventure. Remember this: you can not turn back the pages in life. Just make the best with what you have and move on. Yes. Move on. You may not get to turn back awful choices but you do get to turn your back on them. Continue to choose. Mold our own life. No one can take your ability to choose away from you. If you want a happy ending, you get to choose that for yourself. 

So stop sitting there saying "What if?" And please stop waiting for Christopher Lloyd to show up in a DeLorean. I can promise you that is not going to happen. We can't all be as lucky as Marty McFly.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Living Proof

See you guys. See. I am still alive. I still know how to use a keyboard. I still love to blog....sporadically. Clearly.

I get bored. Don't believe me? Click here you big sissy.

I love you all. Yes, all 20 of you.

Do not think this is all I am going to give you right now. Ok. So, maybe it is but I AM SORRY! I need more time.

Lay off me. I'm starving.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I am the type of girl that wants you to read my blog.

Me, The Girl Next Door, posing as a Siamese Princess

I may or may not be recycling an inspiration from an old post, you guys. This post is similar to one I wrote back in 2009 entitled One Day I'll Get Life Right. For the four of you that have read it you may remember how I listed the things I am the "queen" of, such as being the queen of blogging sporadically. Sums it up. For those of you that have not read it you better do that now or else I'll stalk you, jump out of a random bush, and punch you in the jugular until you read it. Yes, that is a threat. However, I am the type of girl that never follows through with my threats. Yeah. That's me alright.

I am the type of girl that will stay up until 3 am watching HGTV, Food Network, or the Cooking Channel. Or all three.

I am the type of girl that has approximately 87 celebrity boyfriends.

I am the type of girl that loves musicals and does not care who knows it.

I am the type of girl that can eat a cupcake a day. Or two.

I am the type of girl that will wear pajamas all day, even after showering in the morning.

I am the type of girl that can be classified as "the girl next door."

I am the type of girl that will crave KFC mashed potatoes at 9 am.

I am the type of girl that doesn't even like KFC mashed potatoes.

I am the type of girl that carries a pair of clean socks in her purse and car. Bowling nights and road trips can come up on a whim. I need to be prepared don't I?

I am the type of girl that eats something even though it makes me utterly sick.

I am the type of girl that is sarcastic beyond all means. It gets me in trouble a lot.

I am the type of girl that use to be obsessed with downloading fonts onto my computer.

I am the type of girl that took seven years to get my Bachelors.

I am the type of girl that has a love-hate relationship with Doritos.

I am the type of girl that isn't spoiled, just well taken care of.

I am the type of girl that has one helluva sense of humor.

I am the type of girl that hates to watch Family Guy.

I am the type of girl that loved to clean my mouth out after having my wisdom teeth pulled. It was fun to get the soggy food out of the sockets. So sue me.

I am the type of girl that can sometimes be a pushover.

I am the type of girl that can't live without her Coke Slurpees.

I am the type of girl that can walk around Sephora and Ulta for hours.

I am the type of girl that likes the taste of Dimetapp.

I am the type of girl that doesn't swear.

I am the type of girl that loves expensive restaurants.

I am the type of girl that craves Thai food way too much.

I am the type of girl that will never get a tattoo but if I did I would get one of an apple.

I am the type of girl that likes long haired Chihuahuas but won't get one because Hollywood skanks like Paris Hilton have ruined them for the whole world, as did the Beverly Hills Chihuahua movies.

I am the type of girl that talks too much.

I am the type of girl that doesn't talk enough.

I am the type of girl that can never get enough Disneyland in her life.

I am the type of girl that wants to work as a performer for a Disney Park.

I am the type of girl that CAN work as a performer foir a Disney Park.

I am the type of girl that loves black and white movies.

I am the type of girl that loves watching sports. Yay sports.

I am the type of girl that prefers to eat a goat cheese and tomato sandwich on a baguette in Paris instead of McDonald's.

I am the type of girl that loves to watch paranormal shows, as long as I have the company of another human in the flesh.

I am the type of girl that can go on with this list forever.

I am the type of girl that has to go to two dance rehearsals, like right now....

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

And to think, I always thought I had nice back pockets

{Happy 100th post to myself}

Anyone that has a Facebook account knows about the annoying applications that spam his/her news feed and wall AND invitation page. Seriously. I know I'm not the only one. No, really. I'm not. The only people out there that have no idea what I'm talking about are the ones that are spamming my news feed and wall AND invitation page with said apps. I know, I know, I know. There is no need to tell me to click on the 'block "so-and-so" from sending "this crappy app" to you' link. I have done that, you guys. Every time I turn around there is some new "-ville" game haunting my life. Just when you losers couldn't get enough out of Farmville you had to go and create Yoville and Cityville.

What's next? Hellville? A game where you can recruit little devils and have them kill crops and animals in your friends' Farmville accounts? Step away from the idea, Mr. Zuckerberg. I know how you work...

Be warned. I will delete you from Facebook if you keep sending me this crap.

And I digress.

The other day on my wall I noticed a friend of mine had answered a question about me on the "21 Questions" app. Just as I went to delete the post I thought, Hmmm. I wonder if this friend DID answer a question about me. This left me insanely curious. Like unbearably curious. I had to check it out. I just had to.

After clicking on 902834 confirmations I finally got to what looked like my own profile for "21 Questions." On the top bar there was an annoying red arrangement of letters burning my retinas. At the same time it was pretty much deafening me by shouting "YOU HAVE 67 NEW ANSWERS ABOUT YOU! FIND OUT WHAT YOUR FRIENDS SAID." To be honest I was afraid to click on it. What if it took me to some other app that was poorly made by a teenager in England that has awful grammar n talkz lik dis n wantid me to take a quizz bout wut Twilight man I wuz gonna marryyy. Ugh. Do you feel my pain yet?

Meh. Ashley. What are you to lose?

Yeah. I clicked on it. And to my surprise it was actually 67 new answers about me. I kid you not. You guys. I was kinda shocked with what people thought about me. No, I was not offended. I found it absolutely hysterical. I just had to share it with you.

Yes. All 67 answers. And my thoughts. Prepare yourselves. Ready...set...
*(3) Do you think Ashley has a nice body?---YES

*Do you think Ashley would pull a fire alarm as a prank?---NO
-I would rather eat blue cheese than pull a fire alarm. For those that know me would know I hate blue cheese. I highly loathe the stuff.

*(3) Would you hook up with Ashley?---NO
-This better be from three chicks or married guys. What guy wouldn't want to hook up with ME? Kidding mom.

*Do you think Ashley would look good in a mini skirt?---YES
-Good to know I have nice legs.

*(2) Do you think Ashley knows what a fist pound is?---YES
-I know what one is however I've never heard it necessarily called a "fist pound." Moving on.

*Do you think Ashley would help an elderly woman cross the street?---YES
-I am a saint. It's true.

*Would you lend Ashley $100?---YES
-Who answered this? I gladly accept this offer. Fess up. C'mon! I don't have all day.

*Do you think that Ashley has ever lied to avoid a date?---NO
-My mom said, "You may have never lied but you have made up excuses." Whaaa?

*Does Ashley have a nice butt?---NO
-Apparently, this is not the same person that said I would look good in a mini skirt.

*Do you think Ashley can actually hook up with someone out of her league?---YES
-I have done this. It's true. But he was in a lower league. Not higher. No guy can be higher than me. I'm as good as it gets. Who me? Cocky? I think not! How dare you think it!

*(3) Do you think Ashley really needs a stylist?---NO
-I have three smart and kind friends. Thanks.

*Do you think Ashley has ever picked her nose in public?---YES
-This person only said 'YES' because they have done it and didn't want to feel like the only one. I'm not this skanky, you guys. I would only do it at Walmart. I'd fit right in.

*Do you think Ashley would look good in tights?---NO
-Funny. I wear them to church every week and I am a dancer!!! Who answered this?!

*Do you think Ashley has good credit?---NO
-O.o Why NO? No, really. Why? Who...what...why? Next.

*Do you think Ashley has ever fooled around at work?---YES
-EXCUSE ME!? Taking into consideration where I have worked I would rather die than fool around at work. Gross. Also, do I look like the kind of girl that would do that?! Pass.

*(2) Do you think Ashley has ever failed a test?---NO
-In high school? NO. In college? Pass. Next question please...

*(2) Do you think Ashley has ever lied in an interview?---NO
-You're right, my two friends. I haven't. Funny that honesty doesn't even get me a job. Maybe I should lie?

*Do you think Ashley has ever cheated on a test?---NO
-Correct! I don't need to cheat. Plus I had the Honor Code on my elbow for 7 years at BYU.

*Do you think Ashley is greedy?---NO
-I ain't no pre-psycho dream Scrooge!

*Do you think Ashley is funny?---YES

*Do you think Ashley should have more self-confidence?---NO
-How am I supposed to have confidence when my friends think I don't have a nice butt?

*Do you think Ashley could eat more than 3 Big Macs at a time?---NO
-I can't even have 1 Big Mac at any time.

*(2) Do you think Ashley likes to dance?---YES
-Duh. More like LOVE!

*(3) Is Ashley fun to be around?---YES
-It's good to know I have at least 3 people that like to be around me.

*Does Ashley think wine in a box is classy?---NO
-They still make that stuff?

*Does Ashley have a bad haircut?---NO
-I have had the same haircut forever. "Long."

*(2) Do you think Ashley is a tree hugger?---NO
-I a just a hugger.

*Do you think Ashley has a deep, dark secret?---YES
-Who doesn't?

*Do you think Ashley still sleeps with a teddy bear?---YES
-Oh, goodie. I have a stalker. But yes I do still sleep with a teddy bear.

*Do you think Ashley was a dork in high school?---NO
-But I was friends with them. I am a nice person. So sue me.

*(2) Do you think Ashley would look good in tights?---YES
-Majority wins. I am going to wear them regardless of that 1 rude person.

*(2) Do you think Ashley cool?---YES
-Generic question much? Much.

*Do you think Ashley "recycles" dirty underwear?---NO
-Ew. Ew. Ew. If Katy Perry decides to recycle her dirty underwear then I would recycle my dirty underwear. Nuff said.

*(2) Do you think Ashley is cute?---YES
-These questions are easy.

*Do you think Ashley could shoot someone if she had to?---NO
-Only in Assassin's Creed.

*Do you think Ashley grinds her teeth while sleeping?---NO
- I don't grind them, I clench them. Thank goodness for my new orthodic. Headaches gone.

*Do you think Ashley will do anything to get what she wants?---YES
-Trust me. I have.

*(2) Do you think Ashley could be a gangster?---YES
-How can I be a gangster if I don't have the guts to shoot someone? I have funny friends.

*Do you think Ashley has ever played strip poker?---YES
-GASP!!! This is false!

*Is Ashley's profile picture ugly?---NO
-Obviously, this was not answered at the time my profile picture was of a possum jumping out of Britney Spears' whore-ible extension job.

*Do you think Ashley has ever fooled around at work?---NO
-Because I HAVEN'T!!! Moving on.

*Do you think Ashley likes blue eyes?---YES
-It's true. I do. Ask my boyfriend.

*Do you think Ashley has ever lied to avoid a date?---YES
-We have gone over this. I haven't lied. Only made excuses according to my mom. Ha!

*Do you think Ashley would ditch a date?---NO
- I have only done this once but it wasn't necessarily a date and I didn't necessarily ditch him. I just had him take me home early. I had a bad feeling about being out with him. Nothing wrong with that ok? I'm just a girl that trusts her instincts.

*Is Ashley's profile picture cute?---YES
-Thank you Photoshop.

*Do you think Ashley has ever skinny dipped?---YES

*Do you think Ashley has ugly teeth?---NO
-Braces twice. Yes, twice.

*Does Ashley sings in the shower?---NO
-Only in the car, you guys.

*Does Ashley think shopping at Walmart is classy?---NO
-Walmart has its perks but in no way is it classy.

*Do you think Ashley is a spaz?---NO
-Fantastic. However, when I have gummi bears and a Spike Shooter in a Slurpee... SPAZ!!!

Ok. Now, if only I could hunt down who said I don't have a nice butt. Let's hope it was a guy devoted 100% to his wife. But I worked hard to get my back pockets to look like this. Hard as in the gaining-17-pounds-my-freshman-year-at-college hard. I happen to think I have nice back pockets. Whatever. Moving on.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010


I found this in my drafts. Maybe I should post it for fun.

Where is my Slurpee?...Why are we watching American Idol?! LOST is on in 4 minutes. Like 240 seconds away and we are watching Fox. Get my ABC on! Slurpee is here. It's time to get this started! And scene...

*Oh, yeah. Locke totally got hit by Desmond last episode.
*A...candidate? Ha. Interesante.
*Locke is so stubborn. He's "puffed up" my mother says.
*Jack and Sayid. Hydra island. Trying to remember. What's going on.
*Back in the cage Sawyer. Hahaha. You know you want more fish biscuits.
*Bernard? yes. Bernard. Of course he is Locke's dentist.
*He calls that flirting? Bahah.
*Anthony Cooper.
*Where is this show going?
*He will kill you Jack.

*And now my dad needs the computer..... Thank gravy for DVR.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

LOST Sea...son.....What the what?

This is not a new LOST.

I'm kinda upset even though this is an AMAZING episode. I shall blog next week unless my life decides to be cool and let me experience fun times for once.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

LOST Season 6: Episode....Something

Shush up family. You're being loud.

*It bothers me that I don't know who the heck you are John.
*So John WAS crazy. He DID think he was there for a reason.
*YES WHO ELSE DID YOU LOOK LIKE???! Probably Christian....mhmmm...Same thoughts Jack.
*I SO called the black smokey ghost demon monster being Christian. Long ago. Boom.
*Why does it have to be ALL of them to get together to go back? That's annoying.
*Awwww...John was a sucker? Sadness, you guys. And now he's barely alive thanks to Desmond.
*So, Sun has it too. I love this parallel world.
*Claire may be pretty and sweet but she sure is a nut case.
*To Claire: "You look...great." Yeah that was, um, convincing Hurley. Such a sweetheart for trying.
*Detective Ford wants to get with Kate. Just look at those eyes...
*Kate is a geniass.
*Crap. Now they are after Sayid.
*Widmore's number 2 is the creepiest skank. When she talks all I hear is "Blah, blah, blah. I'm a creepy skank."
*Desmond. You just hit Locke with a car and now you're being all cutesy with Claire? Eep. And now you're being all weird.
*Is the lawyer...is it...NOOOOOOOOOO! Alana.
*Why does Freck...uh, Kate "know" everything? Her character bugs.
*How are they going to end this show in 4 episodes? Is that even possible?
*DON'T kill Desmond! I want to have his curly haired babies.
*They made that well seem so much deeper. And that water is UHS-GUSTING!
*Sayid just saved your life. What does it matter that he hurt someone?
*HAHAH!!! Sawyer. Garden hose trick. That was good.
*Could you imagine the spiders in that jungle? (shivers) Almost as bad as Claire's hair.
*Claire is following the rebels. Do we want her to go or not?
*How does one kill the BMGDM aka Locke?
*Nice boat. I MISS SAILING!!!
*Claire is a nut case. Remember how I said it above? She's. Still. A. Nut. Case.
*Promise her Aaron, Kate. Thank you. Finally. Now put the gun down nut case and go home.
*Cute. David wants to spend more time with Jack. Very cute.
*Crazy how everyone is finding everyone in the parallel world.
*Jack. Claire. Claire. Jack. You're half siblings.
*I like Jack's "crazy talk." It makes some sense.
*Crap. There goes Jack.
*My mom's connection: Sawyer said something to Kate and then jumped off the helicopter. Jack wanted to know what he said. This time Jack says something to Sawyer and jumps off the boat. Kate flips out wondering what Jack said to Sawyer. Tada.
*I hope Sun's baby is ok. Jin, I swear, if you're lying to her I'll hurt you.
*Christian is secretive. Not a new fact.
*He's going to work on Locke anyway!!! Desmond is brilliant(?)
*Haha. Sawyer took your boat.
*Of course. Crazy skank and Widmore's people.
*SUN AND JIN ARE BACK TOGETHER! And her English is back.
*Why are they all turning on Sawyer? Did Widmore use him to get all the people back?
*You should have stayed Jack. You should have stayed. But the Locke-ness monster will take care of you. And now you're his???!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

LOST Season 6: Episode 8


DVR....engage? Yes. Sure. And go.

*RichardRichardRichardRichardRichard!!! It's about time we learn about the-man-that-doesn't-age.
*Ana looks like she is in pain.
*Why doesn't anyone know what to do?
*Ricardo? Duh. That's Richard.
*Heh. He giggled
*Um did the "you're dead/this is hell" thing just come out? I was hoping that wouldn't happen. Please don't say that's true.
*Uhhhh Hurley. Is speaking Spanish. To...?...TELL US ALREADY!
*I don't want to age either. Richard. Please tell me your secret(s).
*1867? Hah! Awesome! That's hot.
*I have a feeling I'm going to cry in this episode. I'm not ok with that.
*This is making me so sad. I hate that doctor. Ooops. Now he is...no longer. And there was a witness. Crap.
*Please don't be dead!!! Why must this show do this to me?
*He didn't mean to kill the doctor.
*Awww Richard's wearing her necklace.
*And the priest sucks too. Wow I love(?) this show.
*Where's Jacob?
*New World? More like psycho island.
*On the Black Rock. Heh. I have been waiting for this episode for a long time.
*And there's the statue! And there's the boat in the middle of the island. And there's Richard on the island.
*What the crazy killer? I don't get this guy. Killing everyone.
*The TICKA TICKA!!! He just killed your 5 officers dude. Now what?! NOW what?! Oh...blood dripping on your head.
*Bye-bye psycho.
*I'm pretty sure I would freak out if I saw that thing in my face. Flashing. Ticka Ticka-ing and all.
*A flutterby.
*Water....just out of reach. This is so sad. Come on. Where's Jacob?
*This is so Count of Monte Cristo.
*Mmmm tasty slaves says the Pumbaa.
*Hell? Diablo? Please. Um. No.
*It's about freakin' time!... oh. But it's Jacob's friend guy man. I call him the Ticka Ticka man. Please don't tell me he says he is Jacob. This will surely confuse the heck out of me.
*Ouchie wrists.
*Mmmm Pumbaa tastes good. I heard.
*Where's Daniel?
*And there's Jacob. Beating up Ricardo.
*Stop!!!!! I don't like this Jacob. Or his object lessons. At. All.
*We JUST had a commercial.
*No one is allowed in to Jacob's home because he weaves and apparently that's not manly?
*Another object lesson from Jacob. Bottle. Cork. Wine. Hmmm... I like it.
*You won't get your wife back. See. Jacob is like the Genie on Aladdin.
*Live forever. AH! This makes so much sense. He's kinda like Edward Cullen.
*HAHAHAH The white rock. Inside joke you guys.
*I like how there is a random bench made of stone on the island.
*Dig it up. Dig up her necklace. Tada.
*Hurley. He was speaking Spanish to Isabella!
*Awwww... Believe him Richard.
*Ugh....I'm crying. Ugh.
*There's always something more to be done...DUH! Stop the man in black.
*Cork fail.

LOST Season 6: Episode 7

ONLY 9 MORE????! I. Am. Sad.

*Claire's habitat is quite interesting.
*Kate and Sawyer. Meet again.
*Sawyer episode. He's a man slut.
*He needs to learn how to keep a briefcase clos...oh yeah. He set that up.
*I would love if Sawyer was working for the cops. That would be AWZUM!
*YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LaFleur. Hot cop much?
*And Miles. I'm liking this show but I hate that it's ending. Sadness.
*Claire's hair needs some serious help, you guys.
*I laugh each time I look at Claire's baby. That looks nothing like Aaron by the way, honey.
*You ARE the black smoke John. AND you're lying! You are NOT going to take care of ANYONE!
*Detective, eh? Mmmmm
*Is this friend Juliet? or Kate? or...Claire's baby?
*He IS the black thing!...Thank you John for admitting that. Finally.
*Kill? or be killed? That's some bargain there. Selfish much?
*Sawyer is the best liar I have ever met too.
*John is lying. I hate this.
*Red head? Is it CHARLOTTE? What the crap?
*She's pretty when she doesn't have bloody noses all the time.
*Sawyer is such a ladies man.
*Aww that's Daniel's girl. She's so white. And I thought I was pale.
*What is she looking for? Rather, what is she digging for?
*Angry Sawyer scares me. Yeah but that's what you get for being a snoop. JS.
*Holy crazy Claire.
*SHE DIDN'T TAKE AARON YOU NASTY!!! You left your baby.....you nasty.
*Ok. There's no way they are getting that plane off the island. Sorry.
*Yummy. Decomp.
*Who is that chick? Oh great. Another character. That's all we need right now.
*Chahlee's brother!
*Why did Miles check Sawyer's credit card? That's...like...not cool. Rudist.
*Ok who is this lady?
*It's like John is leading them over there one by one. In such a creepy way. *shivers*
*Holy questions!!! I don't like her.
*Yeah. Ok. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE!? boo hiss.
*Oooo. Black Smokey Ghost Demon Monster is telling us about his past. Pretty sure it was that man on the island with Jacob last season.
*Aaron DEFINITELY has a crazy mother.
*AHHHHHH. Widmore's people. boo hiss.
*Little House. HAHA! Sawyer is watching Little House.
*Beer and a flower. How romantic....And puppy dog eyes. Smart woman for turning that down.
*Punch Charles in the face. plzkthx.
*How can anyone trust anybody on this show? I don't understand it.
*Claire wants to say she's sorry and then she wants to attack you and pull your hair out..... or not. I dunno. She's crazy. What a sad case.
*Pylons = no b.s.g.d.m.
*Now there's the Sawyer we know. "I'm gonna kill 'em.
*What the car accident Is Kate running from someone? YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS So called that Christian says but I recognized her run so I win. JS.
*And scene.

Lost Season 6: Episode 6

Mmmmm Raising Canes and Lost... Life is grand.


*Ben? Running away from someone or something? That's like...a first.
*Good people! Finally.
*Loss of his power? Hahah Napoleon and Ben had/have something in common.
*Detention. Suck. I went there once. I actually enjoyed it.
*Ewww. Arnst. I can't stand his character.
*He SHOULD be the principle. Way to go Locke.
*Crap. I don't want Ben to get in trouble for killing Jacob. Is that so wrong of me?
*Bloody dagger. Bloody Miles. Ugh!
*"Uh oh," he says. BAHAHAH I LOVE MILES.
*Silent treatments suck.
*Is that a Hungry Man? Or Banquet? Hmmm...organic.
*Roger Workman...I mean Roger Linus. I forgot that he wouldn't be dead in the parallel universe.
*uhhhhhhh Alex? She's pretty.
*Yes candidates Sun.
*Cheese curds!.... I love Hurley.
*I would listen to Hurley if I were you Jack.
*Mmmmm Richard.
*Ok she's creepy. I don't like that curly haired chick anymore.
*Alex is pretty AND smart. And freaks out easily.
*I knew that principle gave me the heebie jeebies.
*Get the principle fired. Plzkthxbai.
*I'll take the 3.2 million dollars.
*Yeah. I hate that woman.
*Yes. That's it Hurley. Richard is a vampire.
*UGH WHO ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TRUST!!!? Don't listen to Jacob? What????!
*Oooo Ben is sneaky.
*Oooo Arnst is sneaky too. But all he wants is that parking spot and aprons. Help the man out Ben.
*Which Ben do I feel bad for? I'm going to go with island Ben with the nasty sweaty bloody mess of a shirt.
*Was Richard on that boat in the past? Hm. Curious.
*ACK! Dynamite. Ok so you can't kill yourself but you can risk killing Hurley and Jack.
*I wouldn't want Jacob to touch me either.
*Ok Dr. Kevorkian.
*But what if you ARE wrong Jack!!! Ha, Because you aren't.
*Um what? "Want to try another stick?" Crazy. How about we not talk IN the Black Rock.
*THE TICKA TICKA NOISE! John is coming. Annnd there he is.
*I don't want Ben to die either.
*Thanks "John" for freeing Ben.
*She is disgusting for a woman.
*BAM! Blackmail. Ben is back.
*CRAP!!! That dang recommendation for Alex.
*I wish Ben was recording that conversation. I hate that principle. He's an evil man.
*Awww. Emotional Ben..... He is so sad. And now I like her again. Redemption as my mother put it.
*Creepy Reynolds. Ew.
*Ok Cool. I like this new island Ben.
*I want a Hurley Hug too!
*Awww Ben all by himself.
*Who is coming to the island? WHAT THE SUBMARINE?! Is it Widmore?..... DANGIT!

Monday, April 12, 2010

LOST Season 6: Episode 5

Holy. It has been a while...ANYWAY!!! Let's not discuss that.


*Uncle Rico shot Sayid. That jerk.
*Sayid episode???
*Yes. Sayid episode.
*Awwww. Flowers? For me? Oh. For the love of his life. That is married to? His brother?!!
*His brother opened up a store? a Quickie Mart maybe?
*Did you find your acting skills along with your mommy's picture in your uncle's bag little girl?
*Don't kill him Atilla!!! Sheesh Samurai Sam!!!
*Intense much?
*Apparently the baseball is a peacemaker.
*Crap. Claire. "John."
*Doesn't the temple look like the Jungle Cruise? Or is that just me? Anyone? No? ok.
*"I'm not that man anymore." GOOD!!!
*So, Sayid is evil. Banished. But...what about...isn't he...a...a candidate?
*hehehe. I know where Reyes and Shepherd are. ish.
*Is Togan going to send Sayid to kill the black smokey ghost demon monster? Clever.
*Hey, Sayid! Prove you are good by killing. Oh. Ok.
*Your mommy likes it when Uncle Sayid is around because your mommy likes Uncle Sayid. Boom.
*Ha! Jack.
*I love how Sayid and Kate find each other. Isn't the island like huge or something? Good timing I guess. Oh, wait. It is a television show.
*Miles. I love you. Claire is hot. A hot mess that's for sure.
*Um...all the trees are moving. Ok this is freaky!
*Oh crap. That whole killing-the-black-smoky-ghost-demon-monster-thing didn't work Sayid. This is going to be fun.
*Togan wants Sayid dead. Duh.
*He's LYING Sayid. Don't listen!!!
*At least that urn didn't have ashes in it.
*"...because I don't deserve you." That was wow. Cute. Deep. Precious. Sad.
*I want to be in that rain.
*Does leaving the temple make them more vulnerable? Well, apparently staying kills them so I guess not.
*hahah Claire is creepy when she sings in a hole in the ground.
*Kate. She will kill you if you continue your spiel.
*What's with all the panicky people?
*He'll return that knife alright. Into Togan's gut.
*This is your brain on drugs. SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S THAT PSYCHO FREIGHTER GUY! And he makes good eggs according to himself.
*I really hate that man, you guys. No. Like really. He reminds me of Vance from Hitch. DB!!!
*Sayid is a freakishly crazy badarse.
*SHOOT THE MA....Yeah. Do that Sayid.
*Oh my gosh I knew it. I knew it. I knew it would be Jin.
*I'm good at this guessing game.
*Well, dropping the fatty dagger was anti-climatic.
*Togan likes Happy Hour. Every Friday. Woot!!!
*Did Jacob come to you Togan? Was it Jacob? Tell us please.
*Ah ha! I guessed right again.
*Aw That was his boys baseball.
*Wait, is fighting allowed in the beer font?
*That hippie guy is weird you guys. And Sayid just took care of him.
*This is why I don't like night time. Scary noises? No thanks.
*Is it just me or does Kate have a really awkward run? Like a t-rex to be exact.
*If Miles dies I'm going to kill someone.
*JIN! I found Sun!
*Yeah. I'm pretty sure I don't like that black smokey ghost demon monster. Preeeetty sure.
*Frank is favorite.
*That was a close one. Kinda reminds me of the whole Passover story.
*So does this mean Sayid is bad? or a candidate? I don't get this. "John" is taking EVERYONE.

i'm done.